The Kuchiki Siblings
by the dark ninja NEKO
Summary: every one at sixth division is wondering what Byakuya does before work............
1. Chappy

**The Kuchiki siblings and Chappy**

Sixth Division, currently one of the most one of the most prestigious divisions there are. Lately, the taichou Byakuya Kuchiki, has been late to work lately, many shinigami that belong to the division bombard Renji, questioning him about it.

"How the hell am I supposed to know?"

One time the subordinates chose to ask the Taichou himself but their answer was a very cold stare and a flash of strong spiritual pressure that sent them running out of the office. After that there was a sign posted up that said: no one is allowed into Byakuya-Taichou's office without an appointment.

_**Kuchiki house 8:30am:**_

__Byakuya is walking into his room holding something, his eyes are darting, like he is checking something. He stops in front of his closet, closest to his bed. (Yes, he has more that one closet) Byakuya slowly slides open the door, looking over his shoulder every time the door creaked or squeaked. Finally, he opened the door completely and the closet contained a collection of chappy dolls, the dolls were of many shapes sizes and colors. He lifted up what was in his hand: a limited addition golden Chappy there were only 15 made in the whole Soul Society, and he had his hands on it.

_Now that I have this Rukia, will never be able to compare her collection to mine!_

Byakuya carefully sat the doll on the glass holder.

"Good morning Nii-sama!"

The greeting startled Byakuya, but he smiled because he could show Rukia the ultimate Chappy doll collection! He turned around purposely with the doll in his hand.

"Good morning…..Rukia, how are you today?"

Rukia knew what her older brother was doing, the real clue was when he was waving the doll in the air.

Rukia sighed and put her hands on her hips, "Nii-sama, you have a new Chappy doll huh?"

"Yes, it is the-"

"_Limited addition golden Chappy_, yeah, I already have that also: the platinum, ruby and sapphire versions."

Byakuya stood there with his mouth wide open, he was defeated, and he hates to lose.

"Sorry Nii-sama, your collection is a bug compared to mine," Rukia says as she trots out of the room giggling.

Byakuya walks back over to the closet slowly and he hangs his head low. He put the doll on the holder and closes the closet.

"You're right Rukia, you have the greatest collection," Byakuya sighs.

I was bored so I chose to write this short, maybe I'll write some more……………. I'm thinking about a juice box short.


	2. Juice Box blues

Juice Box blues

_**Declaimer: Domo arigoto Mr. Roboto I don't own bleach and that is my motto!**_

**Author's note: thanks for the reviews, and to show my appreciation, I wrote another short! **

Juice Box blues

Rukia wanted to go see Ichigo in the world of the living, because they were going on a date. Of course the good brother that Byakuya was, he had to tag along, to make sure **nothing**happened. To the Sixth Division Capitan's surprise it was just a trip to the park.

Byakuya and Rukia sat on a park bench, both struggling to figure out the evil contraption known as the juice box.

"H-how do you open this," Byakuya asked.

He looked really funny struggling with a juice box, wearing a three piece suit and shiny dress shoes. Rukia seemed to achieve taking the plastic off of the juice box but couldn't put the straw in it.

"CRAP," Rukia said as she dropped the juice box on the ground causing it to burst, "Ichigo help!"

Ichigo who was watching from a distance, walked over to the two. He made sure he looked around the park to make sure that no one from school was around. The poor strawberry pulled out another juice box and opened it for her.

"There you go Rukia, do you need any help Byakuya?"

The "_great_" Byakuya turned away, "No, I will not accept assistance from the likes of _you_."

Ichigo folded his arms, _why does he always have to act like he has a stick up his ass_, he thought.

Byakuya watched his little sister drink the juice, in his eyes, it looked **so** refreshing and tasty. Without a word, he put the juice up to Ichigo's face, showing that he was defeated………_**again**_. Ichigo sneered hesitant to open it, but was quickly persuaded when Rukia gave him a nice kick in the knee. With a simple poke it was done, and Ichigo chose to drink one too. They all sat on the bench drinking the juice, satisfied, like small children.

_Well this ended better than I thought it would_, Byakuya and Ichigo thought.

**': woot:' **

Funny huh, I liked this one a lot. You guys can pm me for more ideas and one of yours might become my next short!


	3. Trying something new

**Trying Something New**

"Coffee," Byakuya said quizzically as he held the hot cup of hot brown liquid in his hand.

"Try it," Rukia said cheerfully.

She and Renji (who was dragged with her unwillingly) made up a plan to prank the Sixth Division taichou. Rukia remembered the look that Renji made when he first tried the hot beverage, the look was priceless and she wanted to see her older brother make that same look. Renji didn't because he was the one who handed Byakuya the drink, and if anything were to happen, Byakuya would have his ass for sure! Rukia wanted to make her foreseen victory even sweeter, so she chose to put something on the line.

"Nii-sama, if you drink this and like it, I will give you the: Limited Edition Marble Chappy that I just got my hands on."

Byakuya smiled, he really wanted that Chappy doll and this was his only chance to take it.

"Fine Rukia, I accept your challenge."

Rukia's smile grew wider as Reji's distance between him and his taichou also grew. Byakuya lifted the cup to his lips and blew some of the steam off to cool the coffee. As he sipped, Rukia became more excited and Renji put his hand over his eyes, afraid of might happen next. Byakuya stopped sipping the coffee and put the cup down on his desk. He stood there for a couple of minutes to let the taste and the aftertastes sink in. Rukia's long wait as over but the crazy wide-eyed-spitting-out-face was not what she got. Byakuya's face wasn't normal though, he was smiling. Rukia was shocked, how could he like that stuff, even though she so called 'cleared' the drink, it was still horrible!

**Triumph.**

Rukia sighed slowly pulling the Chappy doll out of her pocket. She cursed under her breath, and when Byakuya tried to take the doll from her, Rukia hesitated. After a while, Rukia gave him the doll. Renji was so relived that his ass was not kicked all over the four corners of Byakuya's office. Finally, Byakuya had won, and had a one-of-a-kind Chappy in his possession.

**':BOO-YAAAHH!!:' **

You wanted it you got it, the third short! For the next two chapters I will be booked, so hold the ideas people. Oh, and here is a hint on what the fourth chapter is going to be about………_**"PARTY"**_, which is the title. Well until then, _chow_!


	4. Party

_**Party Be-bop**_

"Total score Byakuya-Taichou," Ikkaku said as he put his hand on Byakuya's shoulder.

Byakuya turned around, giving the 11th Division 3rd seat a cold look.

"_**Don't**_ touch me."

Ikkaku backed up, along with the crowd that surrounded the raven-haired taichou. The whole trip up to the office was filled with yells, screams and whistles directed towards him. When Byakuya made it to 6th Division, he thought that the harassment was about to cease, but it didn't. The guards cheered and patted him on the back as he entered the 6th Division gate. They quickly when back to their posts after Byakuya flared up his spiritual pressure, without sparing them a glance. When he came in Renji was sitting on a desk conversing with Izuru, who was picking up some paperwork.

Renji laughed, "Dude did u hear that Byakuya-Taichou had sex with-"

Izuru saw Byakuya and cut Renji off with a loud greeting.

"G-good morning Byakuya-Taichou."

Renji hurriedly sat back in his desk, and began to do some of the paperwork that just came in. Byakuya narrowed his eyes at the two as he quietly strolled over to his desk. When he sat at his desk, he started to look through the papers that sat on it, when he found a note.

Renji spotted the note in Byakuya's hands, so he yelled across the room.

"Oh sir, Kyoraku-Taichou left that for you!"

Byakuya held the note up to his eyes and he was barely able to decipher the poorly written kanji.

The note read: "That was a great party Byakuya-kun, we should do it again."

The rest of the note had food and sake stains on it. Byakuya sneered as he balled up the paper and threw it on the floor.

_They are the reason, he thought, why I'm having such a hard time today!_

_**FLASHBACK**_

Kyoraku sat in Byakuya's Sakura trees humming a tune, when Byakuya came out for his morning walk. Byakuya looked up at the 8th Division taichou relaxing in one of his trees.

"What are you doing here," Byakuya asked.

Kyoraku chuckled, "I'm hiding from my fukutaichou."

Byakuya gave the man a blank look, "well this isn't a place for you to hide from your subordinates. This is my house and you're on my land."

Kyoraku jumped down from the tree, a wide grin was spread across his face.

"Byakuya-kun, I wouldn't have come here if I didn't need you help."

Even though Byakuya didn't show it he was puzzled.

"Help? What could you possibly need help with?"

"Now," Kyoraku said quickly.

Before Byakuya could say anything, the happy-go-lucky blonde: Matsumoto Rangiku was standing before him.

"What the? How did you-"

Byakuya tried to say something but it was looking like it wasn't about to come out.

Kyoraku looked at Rangiku, and then at the raven-haired taichou who was still trying to form a sentence.

"Byakuya-kun, we have both come to share a common concern that is in need your assistance. We don't have that much time because of Nanao-"

Rangiku finished his sentence, "And Hitsugaya-Taichou are on their way. Any way Byakuya-taichou, we are supposed to be throwing a huge party tonight!"

Byakuya crossed his arms and lifted an eyebrow.

"I would love to hear how that acquires my assistance."

Kyoraku sighed, "Well, every place that we tried to rent out didn't have enough room, so we wanted to know if we could use your place."

Byakuya's mouth dropped.

Kyoraku looked at Rangiku, "I knew he would react like that."

"Time to use Plan B," Rangiku whispered back.

Kyoraku nodded and motioned Rangiku to walk up to Byakuya.

"Please," she said, "If we don't get a answer soon Hitsugaya-Taichou is gonna come, and those beautiful sakura trees of your are as good as dead!"

Byakuya stayed silent as the vision of Hitsugaya's reiasu freezing his trees filled his head. Byakuya couldn't let that happen, those threes have been on the Kuchiki land for generations. The raven-haired taichou sighed knowing that he wasn't about to like what he was about to say next.

"Fine Kyoraku-Taichou and Matsumoto-Fukutaichou, I will allow you to have this party at my house. With that privilege, I also warn you; if anything is out of place, broken, smashed or missing, the blame will fall on you two. I _**will**_ be there to monitor you. Oh, and you'll have to clean up after the party or else. I don't think you would want your superiors... or subordinates to know where you were to day, so you can be on your way."

Kyoraku and Rangiku bowed to show their gratitude and then shunpoed away.

Later, during the party

The house was a wreck, but no one really cared because they were _totally_ wasted. As usual, Rangiku was trying to get every guy in the room to strip, and Kyoraku was flirting with the females. The thing that was more unusual than Unohona hitting on Hisagi was what Byakuya doing. He sat on the sofa making out with Yoruichi, which would've never happened if they were sober.

Byakuya broke the kiss, "you know **hic** you are such a good kisser."

Yoruichi blushed, "oh stop, I'm not that **hic** good."

She then gave him a friendly shove that knocked him off the sofa. They were so wasted that they both laughed even though Byakuya had almost hit his head on a glass coffee table.

Byakuya got up and grabbed Yoruichi's hand, "c'mon let's go to my room, we can have some fun in there."

An evil smirk spread across Yoruichi's face.

" Oh, it looks like i am going to like his type of fun, heehee."

That morning Byakuya woke up to see Yoruichi getting out of hid bed and beginning to dress herself. She looked back at him flashing a small smile. When Byakuya sat up he felt a sharp pain coming from his side and his face. He then put his hand on his cheek to examine it and found out that the pain came from scratches.

Great, he thought.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

As Byakuya was walked home from work, he hoped that he could relax and sleep away the events of today. He wanted peace and that was all, but the 6th Division taichou had a feeling that he wouldn't get it. Until the incident with him and Yoruichi calmed down, getting some rest would be hard. When he finally made it home, he found Rukia standing on the porch, as if she was waiting for him. Byakuya walked to his little sister but she backed away from him and she became nervous. She was shaking and was twiddling her thumbs.

"What's wrong Rukia," Byakuya asked.

Rukia looked up at him and then diverted her eyes, looking at the floor.

"Nii-sama...I have to tell you something."

Byakuya tried to look her in the eye, "yes?"

Rukia took a deep breath before speaking.

"Nii-sama, I-I'm expecting."

Byakuya swallowed hard, he hoped it wasn't what he thought it was.

"E-expecting what?"

Rukia began to shuffle her feet, "a baby."

_**WEET-WHOO! Sorry, but I don't know how to whistle**_

(Fai said this in chapter 19 volume 3 of Tsubasa)

**(Bows)**_** I am sooooooo sorry for taking so long to update...I was too busy hanging out with friends and going to the beach. Since school is drawing nearer i will be updating faster!**_


	5. Party II

_**Domo arigoto Mr. Roboto, I don't own bleach and that is my MOTO!!!**_

**_Author's Note: -bows- Please forgive me for taking sooo long to update, the summer passed by so fast and then school came and U stared sports and –two hours of BLAH, BLAH later- Gomen, Gomen Nasai -bows again- Well thanks for waiting though I love all of the fans of my works! So here it is and this chap will have a surprise in it that you wouldn't be expecting heehee...._**

**Party Act II**

"Kurosaki!!!!"

The raven-haired taichou had his hands around the orange strawberry's neck, trying to murder him. Rukia was trying to pull Byakuya off of her boyfriend, failing miserably.

"Nii-sama, please stop this!"

"I didn't do any…thing," Ichigo managed to get out.

"Liar," Byakuya growled.

Finally, Rukia pulled her bother off of him, using all of her strength. Ichigo crawled away coughing, and holding his throat.

"I told you Byakuya, I never had sexual relations with that woman!"

Byakuya turned to Rukia, his facial expression fierce. "Is this true?"

She nodded quickly so that he could let go of Ichigo before he strangled her boyfriend to death.

Byakuya's eyes narrowed as he let go of the orange strawberry. "Well then Rukia, who did?"

Ichigo coughed and held his neck as he narrowed his eyes at Rukia also.

Rukia blinked and then she laughed nervously but her older brother's facial expression didn't change. Renji then walked up, his facial expression cheerful.

"Hey guys!"

Byakuya and Ichigo ignored him.

"You didn't answer his question, _WHO is it_!?!"

"Who is what," Renji asked.

Ichigo turned towards Renji and folded his arms. His usually calm brown eyes were filled with a burning anger.

"Rukia is pregnant and I didn't do it...we've never had sex..."

He trailed off in shame.

Byakuya finished for him, "and we are trying to find who **did**. It had to be someone at the party; she was there from what I remember."

Renji gulped and cleared his throat, "Oh."

Ichigo cracked his knuckles, "When I find out who took advantage over my little intoxicated Rukia I'll crush them with Zangetsu!"

Byakuya put his hand on Ichigo's shoulder, "if you can crush what is left after Zeneonsakura Kageyoshi."

Renji twitched, _are they planning __**together**__?_

The redhead turned towards Rukia and she frowned mouthing "I'm so sorry Renji."

_Sorry for what_," he thought puzzled.

Rukia took a deep breath and looked at her older brother and her boyfriend.

"Nii-sama, Ichigo...I was aware enough to remember who I had sex with..."

Renji realized almost immediately and began to inch away from the others. Her was about to turn and shunpo away Rukia said the eight words that would be the end of him.

"I... had sex with Renji at the party."

Both Ichigo's and Byakuya's heads snapped in Renji's direction. Suddenly their expressions of surprise turned in ferocious, violent anger.

So much for getting away quietly before things got dangerous.

_Damn it. _

Renji turned around quickly putting his hands up in defense and smiling politely.

"Aw come on guys, we can settle this like gentlemen and no one has to get hurt."

Ichigo cracked his neck, "Oh yeah, we can do that! How would you like it if I politely kick your ass?"

Byakuya smiled evilly, "Agreed Kurosaki, yes lets...kick your ass."

That would have been funny to Renji if his life weren't in danger. The red head fukutaichou backed up from the two his forehead cover in sweat from the combined powers of Ichigo and Byakuya's high spirit pressure.

_I'm going to kill him! I can always find another subordinate_, Byakuya thought darkly.

_I'm going to make him wish that he never existed_," The orange strawberry thought, _or maybe I can mount his head on my wall. Yeah, that's perfect MUHAHAHA!_

Ichigo didn't notice that he was actually laughing aloud until he felt everyone's eyes on him. Byakuya lifted an eyebrow and so did Rukia.

"Oh crap," Renji sighed sadly, "I guess I'll start running now."

Renji quickly shunpoed away with an infuriated Sixth Quad taichou and substitute on his tail.

"_**GETSUGA TENSHOU!**_"

Renji turned around just in time to see the massive mass of bluish-white light coming in his direction. He was able to jump high enough out of the way to dodge the attack. He turned around and pointed at the Ichigo his eyes wide.

"Wha-what the hell is wrong with you? Are you trying to kill me?"

Ichigo's reiasu flared up again, "you took my woman, yes Renji I am trying to kill you ass hole!"

Byakuya waved his fist in the air, "oh and do Not forget that you deflowered my sister!"

Ichigo and Renji blinked, "Whoa, really?"

Renji smiled, "well I tell you one thing Taichou, the things she did in bed made it seem like she was already deflowered, more like her flower was way gone. But hey, I guess we can't control what we do when we're wasted, right Taichou, y'know like when you and Yoru-"

Byakuya growled in anger and pulled out his zanpaku-to.

"_**SCATTER! ZENEONSAKURA**_!!!!!!"

_Well Renji, you are the world's biggest idiot_, Renji thought as he mentally kicked himself. Well I might as well release my zanpaku-to while I'm at it.

Renji pulled out his zanpaku-to and released it. "_**HOWL ZABIMARU!**_"

The redhead sped up as the glowing sakura petals became dangerously close. But what surprised him was when he turned around was that Ichigo was firing Getsuga Tenshou again but its blast combined itself with the sakura petals.

Renji sped up, now running for his life, "Holy Shi-"

In his panic Renji didn't notice that one of he roof shingle one on one of the buildings was missing and he tripped over it falling head first onto the small alley below. He now lay on the ground dirty and in pain. Byakuya and Ichigo stood over him laughing at his pathetic situation.

Renji put up one of his hands, "wait, please...spare...me. I'm so sorry."

Ichigo rolled up his sleeves and balled up his fist, "too late for that bastard!"

Byakuya caught Ichigo's fist before it could connect with Renji's face.

Ichigo looked at Byakuya and growled, "hey, why'd you-"

Byakuya smirked, "Kurosaki, I'm still a nobleman, this would be sloppy of me if I just beat this pitiful creature senseless. We should do something that will haunt him for the rest of his life."

Ichigo blinked, "but what?"

Byakuya whispered something in his ear and Ichigo's face changed from confused to an amused facial expression. They both laughed and looked at Renji with devious grins on their faces.

Ichigo folded his arms and kneeled down next to Renji. "Oh, we'll spare you this time, but there's a cost."

When Renji hesitated Ichigo stood and drew his sword. Renji grabbed on to his foot.

"WAIT! Okay, okay, I'll do anything, and I mean anything, just don't kill me!"

Ichigo looked at Byakuya and their smiles widened.

The two of them spoke in unison, "_**anything**_?"

**Two weeks later...**

"Hm," Byakuya chuckled. The Women's Association did well, they will surely enjoy the large sum of money I'm giving them."

Ichigo chuckled, "Wow, so they'll do odd jobs like this so get funding. Hey Renji you look so _pretty_ HAHAHAHA!"

_Don't say anything, just be happy that you're alive, just be grateful_, the redhead thought to himself.

He was dressed on a flower kimono with his hair down and he was wearing makeup to cover his tattoos, he also has on strawberry pink lipstick on. Surprising enough, he looked very feminine.

Byakuya smiled. "You know Renji, you could pass for a woman." He stood up and handed Renji a traditional style Japanese umbrella. "There you go, now you look high class."

Renji hung his head and tried to keep himself from crying.

Be a man, be a.... what the hell am I saying I'm dressed like a woman for god's sake!

Rukia walked in and clapped you hands together as she looked at Renji. She gasped, "Oh my, you look so beautiful!"

I have lost all of my manhood, Renji thought sadly.

"Anyway," Rukia said cheerful, "guess who picked your date?"

Renji's eyes widened, "wait, who said I was going on a date? You guys never said I was going on a date!!!! First you dress me up like a woman and then this, how dare-"

Byakuya waved his sword and smiled. Renji fell silent as the fear of his doom sunk in. Ichigo and Byakuya would have to this every time that they felt Renji was out of line. They had to do it a lot when they sent him to the Women's Association for his "makeover".

Renji sighed defeated, "yeah, so who picked my date?"

Rukia smiled, "Soi Fon-Taichou."

Renji blinked, "why would she pick my date, I don't even know her enough for her to dislike me."

"She never liked you in the first place," Rukia, Byakuya and even Ichigo said in unison.

Renji's mouth dropped, "well that's cold."

"Well you date is outside," Ichigo said, as there was a knock on Byakuya's office door.

Renji sighed, "I'll get it."

The cross-dressed fukutaichou walked up to the door and slid it open to find the last thing he would have wanted to see.

"Oh...my...god..."

Standing there eating a bag of chips was Omeada in all his natural disgustingness.

He burped, "Oh! Hello there, hotty!" The big oath licked his lips and smiled showing his teeth which had unknown foods lodged in them.

Tears began to fall down Renji's eyes.

Omeada blinked, "what's wrong pretty lady?"

"I would have been better off dead," Renji muttered.

**Fin!**

_**Phew! That was along chapter! I hope all of that was at least partially funny lol. I hoped you guys enjoyed it. Until next time sayoornra! -Waves-**_


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